Geek For E!

Movie Review: Maleficent

 

Twitview: Gloriously lush sets & Jolie’s performance make the film better than it has a right to be. B

Hell hath no fury like a fairy scorned.  Especially when that fairy is played by Angelina Jolie, and has a damn good reason for being so ticked off.  With the popularity of “revisionist fairy tale history” nowadays, Maleficent could have played out like a Very Special Episode of Once Upon A Time (which did have the Big M in the show, but threw away the character even though True Blood’s Kristin Bauer van Straten knocked it out of the park with her performance).  You gotta know from the trailer that this is gonna be another Frozen-esque story of how Womyn-with-a-Y are stronger together than the negative forces of Mankind, but Jolie is so magnetic in the role of the fairy gone bad that the trip is a fascinating one.  There isn’t much for anyone else to do but either get in her way or lend her aid, but otherwise?  It’s a fun 97 minutes, with plenty for newbies and old-school Sleeping Beauty fans to enjoy.  There are a few things that got under my skin, but all-in-all, the Enchanted Forest ain’t a bad place to spend a little time.

Way back in the day, there were two kingdoms; the Kingdom of Man (da-DUM) and The Moors.  Man does his usual mannish stuff, what with the subjegating, warring and power struggles.  Meanwhile, The Moors are a peaceful place full of mythical creatures that all live in an agreeable harmony with no one ruler.  Cue Maleficent (as played by Jolie doppelgänger Isobelle Molloy), a sweet little fairy girl with groovy horns on her head and glorious wings.  She finds human boy Stefan in The Moors, trying to make off with something.  She asks him for it back, then tosses it (back) into the water.  He tells her he’d rather have kept it if she was just going to “throw it away”…. And a friendship is born.  Friendship blossoms into love, at least for one half of this pairing.  (Hint: it’s not the thieving human.)  Years later, Stefan — who has always longed to live in the castle because Being Somebody Is All There Is — is a squire for the King, who has fallen ill thanks to trying to bring The Moors into his total domination.  Seems Maleficent doesn’t take too kindly to those who try to take over her land, and neither do the rest of the Moor-folk.  Stefan uses his friendship with Maleficent to do something absolutely heinous (hint: you didn’t know she had wings, did’ja?) and becomes King.  Maleficent, on the other hand, becomes bitter, angry and vengeful.  Cue Sleeping Beauty baby Aurora!

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Movie Review: Blended

Twitview: Like either of Barrymore & Sandler’s other two films?  Then you’ll think this is adorable, mindless fluff.  I mean that in the best possible way.  Relax and enjoy the silly.  B-

The Wedding Singer.  50 First Dates.  And now Blended.  This is the third go-round for Drew Barrymore and Adam Sandler.  Third time’s the charm?  Well, I’ve already been charmed by The Wedding Singer.  So as Missouri says, show me!

Jim is a widower with three girls that manages the local Dick’s Sporting Goods (product placement!)  Lauren is a divorcee with two boys that organizes closets.  Setup: free-wheeling dad who dresses his girls like boys because employee discount + uptight overly regimented woman with hyper and awkward boys.  When Jim and Lauren get set up on a blind date, things go about as bad as you can get.  First date idea from Jim: Hooters!  Lauren drools French onion soup down her blouse!  The Hooters girls seem to know Jim really,  really well!  Lauren spits a too-hot buffalo shrimp across the table!  Needless to say, these two cut their losses early and vow never to see each other again.

But the restaurant swapped their gold cards, so Jim knocks on Lauren’s door.  Hey, Lauren’s coworker Jen dates Jim’s boss!  But things are looking rocky with Jen and Boss, just when Boss purchased a crazy incredible week-long trip to South Africa for Jen, Boss and Boss’s 5 kids!  Wait…Jim has 3 kids.  Lauren has 2 kids.  Are you thinking what I’m thinking?  SOUTH AFRICA BITCHES!

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Movie Review: Godzilla (2014)

Godzilla the misunderstood hero that is barely featured in his own movie. Fight sequences that are barely shown makes you wonder WHAT is going on as all we are shown is the destruction after the fight happens. The final battle is the only time we see Godzilla do something and actually stop the two creatures he is fighting.

 Great promos does not equal a great movie.

Great promos does not equal a great movie.

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Movie Review: Belle

 Twitview: beautiful people tell a beautiful story about an ugly part of history.  Gugu Mbatha-Raw is a new face to the US that’s on her way up.  Grade: A

Here in America we tend to focus on our own battle with the institution of slavery.  The Civil War, the Emancipation Proclamation, and Harriet Tubman.  Nat Turner, Dred Scott and the Thirteenth Amendment.  But what about across the pond?  Belle takes a look at the beginnings of the abolitionist movement in England, through the eyes of a mixed-race woman that had the ear of the highest judge in the land.  Because she was his great-grandaughter.  And yeah, it’s a true story.

Dido Elizabeth Belle was born of a slave woman and Admiral Sir John Lindsay, and when Dido’s mother died Lindsay brought Dido to the home of his uncle, William Murray, Lord Mansfield.  As Dido grew, so did the attachment the Murray family had to their “mulatto” relative.  But English society was a cruel mistress, and Dido found herself in the odd position of being on the inside, looking in.  Never being a part of society, due to her “exotic nature”, but otherwise having all the privileges of being to the manor born.  Which, of course, was it’s own particular form of loneliness; “How may I be too high to dine with the servants, yet too low to dine with my family?”, she asks her great-uncle.  Hold on to that queasy feeling of outrage for her; we’re getting to the meat of the film.

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Movie Review: Million Dollar Arm

Twitview: Dam Yankees said “You’ve Gotta Have Heart”.  This film has it.  B+

All I know about cricket I learned watching BBC in a London dorm room one summer.  Which is to say, absolutely nothing.  But I can guess that trying to make cricket players into baseball players has gotta be a neat trick.  That’s the idea behind Million Dollar Arm, a based-on-a-true-story film that has a big heart behind all that sportsball.

JB is a sports agent that has started his own agency with friend/former co-worker Aash.  They’re tanking, because it’s tough to sign fickle sports stars; ask Jerry Maguire.  But JB gets a great idea; why not hold a competition in India, where other agents haven’t been, and groom cricket players to be big-league baseball stars in America?  Cue the cross-cultural heart warming, and the growing up of JB’s self-absorbed heart.

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Movie Review: Neighbors

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I’m not sure if it’s just my naughty sense of humor or my love of all things Seth Rogen, but in my opinion, you just can’t get much better in terms of comedy than Neighbors. The movie has it all – heart, comedy, and action. It paints a picture we all know very well…how will you handle growing up? Whether you’re 19 or 35, this movie has you covered. It explores all the milestones in the road of life: college, marriage, divorce, and having children.

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Movie Review: “The Amazing Spider-Man 2”

TwittReview: “The Amazing Spider-Man 2” – Spider-Man battles Electro. Peter and Gwen try to figure out their relationship. The Green Goblin and Rhino wait toward the end of the movie to attack Spidey. Fast action, funny comments, Stan Lee. Excelsior! Grade: B+

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Movie Review: Under the Skin

Twitview — Scarlett Johansson bares more than her skin in this acid-trip sci-fi story.  And it pays off.

You’re probably used to seeing Scarlett Johansson being an A-#1 Badass lately.  With The Avengers, Captain America: The Winter Soldier, and the upcoming Lucy, she’s all sortsa fierce.  But in Under the Skin, she plays a no-named alien whose mission is to lure men to a black room, where they’re sucked into a pit and…well, not quite sure.  Director Jonathan Glazer (Sexy Beast) gives you an intimate look into the life of a creature that lives to carry out her orders.  It’s a fascinating look, and a damn intriguing film.  Truth be told, you’ll either love it or you’ll hate it.  Glazer’s strange, wandering storytelling, and his freaky way of giving no character a name will either drive you bonkers, or allow you to sink in and immerse yourself in the story.  Think of Under the Skin as a sci-fi art film, one that’s more interested in mood and performance than substance.  It asks the question what does it mean to be human, and gives no real answers.  If you’re okay with that, you’ll be amazed at the performances and themes in the film.  If not?  Well, you’ll most likely want to see me roast in hell for telling you this movie is fascinating stuff.  Potato, po-tah-to.

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Movie Review: Draft Day

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Twitview: Just like the NFL, good enough isn’t good enough.  Fun, but lacking.  3 stars.

There’s something about Draft Day I can’t seem to pin down.  Taken in pieces, it’s a fun film.  The scenes with Costner’s Clevenand Brown’s GM Sonny Weaver Jr. dealing with other GMs are funny, light and definitely Dude Banter at it’s best.  Then there’s Jennifer Garner, Ellen Burstyn, Denis Leary, Chi McBride: all amazing.  Kevin Costner’s doing some of his best work in ages.  Frank Langella is tearing up the screen with wicked glee as Cleveland Browns owner Anthony Molina (not to be confused with the real owner of the Browns, Jimmy Haslam).  There’s also several almost fully fleshed-out wannabe ballers with their own well-crafted backstory (my favorite: Chadwick Boseman as a truly good-guy player that just wants to go pro).  And all the NFL pomp & circumstance of the big day, complete with the NFL’s blessing (which means the climax really feels like you’re in the thick of it.)

But.  Why don’t I absolutely love Draft Day?

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