Mia Wasikowska, Nicole Kidman, Matthew Goode star as the twisted family in this tale of not-so-secret secrets, ambiguous family quarrels and atmospheric tension laid on so thick it ceases to disturb after the first 10 minutes.  I never thought a film about a serial killer would be boring.  But if there’s one thing I’ve learned over my years of reviewing, it’s that I can always count on surprises. Unfortunately, there are no surprises in Stoker.  Uncle Charles (Goode), Sister-in-Law/Mom Evelyn (Kidman) and niece/daughter India (Wasikowska) are strange from the get-go, and with no character development there’s no intrigue.  It’s simply an endurance test ‘til the not-so-climactic climax.

Stoker tries to be a Hitchcock tribute with it’s coming-of-age story for psychopaths.  Pity it’s so dull.  Everything.  Is.  So.  Slow.  A meaningful slowness?  Hardly.  More like a pretentious bit of showmanship on the part of director  Park Chan-wook.  His “Vengeance Trilogy” (Sympathy for Mr. Vengeance, Oldboy, Sympathy for Lady Vengeance) are genre classics that use the same sort of cinematic style, but to greater effect.

How did this director fuzzle things in America when his work in Korea is so well done?  I’ll blame it on Park’s attempt at a Hitchcockian (yeah that’s a word.  Work with me) film, instead of going with his own voice.  Stoker is a tale that’s supposed to echo Hitch’s Shadow of a Doubt, but in this case there’s no doubt at all; Uncle Charles is a complete and total nutball.  How India’s mother Evelyn finds him desirable is beyond me.  I’d like to think that anyone in their right mind would have their mental Creep Alert going off full blast, but then again if that were the case all those stupid “wives of whatever/ lookit my bad marriage/who’s my baby daddy?” shows wouldn’t exist.  Pity.

Mia/India’s fake blue contacts are disturbing.  The color is so obviously unnatural that it jolted me out of what little attention I had for this film.  I’m guessing Park’s thought with this was for India and Charles to have the same cold blue eyes.  But instead I found myself searching for the edges of her contacts in the many, many “important” close-ups.  Park does manage to work some of his usual magic with gorgeous atmospheric shots throughout the film though.  But just like icing, a little bit is good, more is great, but too much and you end up wishing you had chosen something else.  Anything else.

Everything is supposed to be rife with meaning.  But when everything is laid on thick, nothing ends up feeling significant.  All style, no substance; Stoker is the Little Engine That Tried Too Hard.  For serious Park Chan-wook fans only.