First off, I never saw the 1990 original. Yeah, I know. But there it is. So I am going to crank through this movie as a newbie to the story. No, the ending hasn’t been spoiled for me, and I am as shocked as you that I’ve managed to miss that all these years.

What I do know: the original Total Recall is about a huge steroidal dude who may or may not be a killer/spy/Bad MoFo. But at the start of the film he is just a schmo that has always wanted to visit Mars. (It’s the future, so that’s a thing.) Since our schmo doesn’t have the money to actually go to Mars, he visits Total Rekall, a place that can remember it for you, wholesale (shout out to  Philip K. Dick short story that these films are based on). But our hero has what can be graciously called an atypical experience, and soon it’s a hunt for what’s real and what isn’t. Oh yeah, there’s an alien chick with three boobs and the world’s most permanent divorce.

How does this re-imagining stack up to the little I know about the first film?

Well, let’s see:

* Steroidal dude: nix. It’s a good looking but sleeker model this time.
* Mars: not in this story, though it’s hinted that folks may go there.
* Rekall: yep. Complete with not-so-typical “incident”.
* +1 chested alien: got her. You can breathe easier, fanboys.
* Permanent divorce: uh…well, you’ll see.

Adrenaline junkies rejoice!  Because you’ll want to head out to see this new, amped up Total Recall.  There’s a lot less cheese in this version, probably because without Ah-nuld slurring his words (nothing but love, big guy) actors can, well, y’know…act.  No need for an overabundance of humor to play the hide-the-bad-acting shell game.

In this visit to the late 21st Century, Doug Quaid (Colin Farrell) is an everyday schmo that has a factory job, a bff (Bokeem Woodbine, Ray) and a smokin’ hot wife (Kate Beckinsale).  But Doug keeps having strange dreams, which may be an outlet for all the dreams in his waking life that have gone unfulfilled.  So one day he decides to hit Total Rekall, a place that can give him the memories of doing cool stuff, but with a way lower price tag than actually doing everything.  Strange dreams, mind-alterations…yeah, it’s a recipe for disaster.

Jessica Biel as Melina, a woman from Doug’s past — or is she? — gives good badass.  She can keep up with Kate Beckinsale, and anyone who can keep up with Beckinsale in the genre she pretty well owns, deserves a bow.  As for Beckinsale, as Doug’s wife/”wife”, she gets tons of scenes where she can show off all the cool moves she’s been toying with since Underworld.  She’s just as cool here as she was there, but this time she’s the bad gal.  Maybe.  As Doug Quaid/Hauser Colin Farrell may be more like the typical Everyman than Arnold Schwarzenegger (who isn’t?), but he still looks like the dirty bad boy you banged once but would never bring home to momma.  (Phwoar!)  He also does a convincing job of making  Doug’s  confusion and  panic believable.

Total Recall is a super-colossal mind-bender of the highest order.  Forget Inception (I never did fully invest in that story anyway); Total Recall is a film you can sink into.  Which side is Doug on?  Does he even know?  Who’s on what side, and is it all just a crazy dream sequence provided by a brain jockey?  Only director Len Wiseman (Underworld) knows, and he’s not showing his cards.  Kurt Wimmer’s hand is easily seen in the tweak of the original screenplay; Wimmer’s high-octane internet hit Equilibrium (and his Angelina Jolie kicks ass mindbender Salt) shows that he knows how to keep things flowing, making relentless action feel like a thrill ride rather than too much of a good thing (G.I. Joe, Drive Angry and every movie Stephen Seagal ever made, you’re guilty.)

Beautiful, mind-blowiing sets and art direction lets you enter a future world that feels like a mashup of Firefly and Blade Runner.  That’s not the only familiar vibe here.  Star Wars stormtrooper imagery is rampant in the final scenes.  Took me out of the film for a tick or two, but by that time I was so invested in Doug/Hauser’s story that it was just a minor bump in the road.  Beckinsale catsuits up into an outfit that is very Selene, but with wilder hair.  Guess stretch fabric is her go-to when she’s a badass.  And she rocks it in style.

“The past is a construct of the mind…but the heart wants to live in the present.”  That about sums up the themes this movie rolls out.  Reality vs make-believe, staying true to yourself, even a bit of Nietzsche’s become what you are.  Great post-movie topics of conversation after a full evening of mind-tripping.  Give yourself a full two hours to lose yourself, and you’ll be glad you paid a visit to this Recall.