Geek For E!

Movie Review: After Earth

Father and son.  Is there anything more adorable?  Well, maybe a puppy licking ice cream.  But really, the theme of father and son is something that tends to warm the cockles of anyone’s heart.  And since warm cockles is a good thing (so I’ve heard; as I don’t know what a cockle is, I’ll take that as truth) wouldn’t the team of Jaden Smith and his father Will be just a cute fest of awesome?  Well….

Cute fest?  Yes.  Absolutely.  Awesome?  Um, not so much.  Their new movie After Earth isn’t bad.  The problem is After Earth isn’t particularly good either.  Sorry M. Night Shyamalan, you’ll have to look to your next directorial effort for redemption from The Last Airbender.  Or The Lady In The Water.  Or The Happening.  Perhaps a vacation to rejuvenate is in order?  I hear stone massages are the bomb.

Speaking of bombs, After Earth takes place after we humans crapped up the planet we call home.  And much like locusts, we then flew off to someplace else (and probably crapped that up too), leaving Earth to go do it’s own thing.  A thousand years later, Earth is Darwin’s theory come true, with all sorts of evolved beasties turning our once habitable planet into a danger zone of the highest order.  Heck, humans can’t even breathe the air comfortably anymore, as Earth’s atmosphere is too low in oxygen to support the current crop of folks.  Meanwhile, on the planet humans now call home, there are dangerous beasties too; aliens called Ursa that can carve us up like deli meat and sniff us out based on our fear are hunted by the Ranger Corps.  Nobody embodies the Ranger Corps better than living legend Cypher Raige (Will Smith).  Problem is, his young wanna-be Ranger son Kitai (Jaden Smith) lacks the discipline necessary to “Ghost” — turning off fear so the alien beasties can’t find you — and isn’t making the grade.  But Cyper decides to bring Kitai on a training mission or something (honestly, it’s tough to care enough to remember) and when things go wonky, guess where they crash land?  With a captured Ursa on board?  That totally gets loose?  With Kitai the only one that can save his dad?  Yeah, you’re absolutely right.

 AfterEarth [Read more…]

Movie Review: Kon-Tiki

There are stories I’ve never gotten my greedy little hands on simply because I figured they were “Dude books”.  Call of the Wild.  Treasure Island.  Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance.  Anything by Ernest Hemingway (okay, that’s because I’m not a fan of his writing style.  And also, dudebook.)  Kon-Tiki was in there too, because I couldn’t see how a voyage across the ocean in a little raft could possibly appeal to me.  But if the book is as exciting as the movie Kon-Tiki, I owe that book a huge apology.  Huge.  This dramatic retelling of the story of one man’s quest to prove his theories makes me want to not only read the book, but see the original (Academy Award winning ) 1951 documentary.  Yeah, Kon-Tiki is that good.

 It’s just after World War II.  Naturalist, anthropologist and all-around adventure guy Thor Heyerdahl (Pål Sverre Hagen, in all his retro/40s-era matinee idol glory) is in Polynesia studying life, the universe and everything.  The natives tell Thor that they arrived in Polynesia from the West.  But all the great Western minds had decided these natives arrived from the East.  I mean really; who could sail across that wide expanse of sea in only a lashed-together log raft?  Thor sees that as a gauntlet thrown, and decides to do just that.  With a small group of friends, he takes off from Peru to try to reach Polynesia as Tiki, the native god that islanders believe populated their islands, did.

But will he make it?  Considering this movie is based on the book written by Heyerdahl after his expedition, and that I’ve already referenced his documentary of said expedition?  You can pretty much guess that answer.  Still, as other great docudramas have done before (like Titanic, All The President’s Men, Schindler’s List, and Argo), Kon-Tiki keeps viewers invested in the characters/individuals by weaving together expert storytelling and stunning visuals.

kon-tiki

  [Read more…]

Movie Review: Star Trek Into Darkness

Star Trek meets Sherlock.  At least that’s what it’s seeming like on all the fannish boards along the Interwebs.  With Benedict Cumberbatch’s character shrouded in mystery — a mystery revealed for all who check this movie’s updated IMDb page — fans of the actor have been going crazy waiting to see him, and Trekkers (or Trekkies, as you prefer) have been going crazy trying to outguess director J.J. Abrams.  And while Star Trek Into Darkness is definitely a Trek-nucopia of canon fodder, what it isn’t is particularly welcoming to those folks who wouldn’t know a Vulcan Salute from a peace sign.  Still, Star Trek Into Darkness delivers the Id, Ego and Superego comedic clashes, the Kobayashi Maru-like impossible challenges, and the same good-vs-evil that we’ve come to know and love from this long lived franchise.  Abrams, along with fellow Lost alum Damon Lindelof, crafted a Trek universe that is familiar but slightly tilted.  It’s great to see how the young characters slowly grow into their original series counterparts…and if you’re not really in the know?  Go see it with your friends who are, and get caught up in the fun.

Captain James T. Kirk has just been taken to task for his last hair-brained seat-of-his-pants mission; he’s been stripped of his command and his First Officer Spock has been reassigned to another ship.  But meanwhile at what looks alot like the medical wing of Professor Xavier’s School for Gifted Youngsters, a stranger named Harrison has plans that will shake Starfleet to it’s core, bringing the Federation into uncharted waters and bloodshed.  It’s up to Kirk to get his commanding officers to believe in him again, and for him to understand exactly what it takes to sit in The Chair.

star trek onesheet

[Read more…]

Movie Review: At Any Price

Don’cha just hate when a movie looks like it’s going to be really amazing and show a side of life that you’ve never seen before, only to whip a 180 and bore you to tears?  Well, if that’s you then At Any Price doesn’t have much to recommend it; it’s a film that starts off with all sorts of promise only to get mired in so many “important messages” that it loses itself and it’s audience.

Henry Whipple (Dennis Quaid) is a corn farmer in Iowa.  He’s also a salesman for GMO (genetically modified organisms) corn seed, and is making a pretty darn good living at it.  Son Dean Whipple (Zac Efron) is the obligatory kid who wants to get out of the sticks, and he’s got a good chance of that thanks to his skill at auto racing.  When the Whipples aren’t busy squeezing Charmin with the farm, they’re doing the usual things that folks in Corn Country seem to do in movies; party out in the middle of nowhere, cheat on their wife with the secretary/former prom queen, drive to the nearest town (two hours away) to steal stuff, and try to cheat the system.  But for Henry and Dean things start to fall apart, and when they do you know it’s going to affect everyone around them.

[Read more…]

Movie Review: Oblivion

Oh please, let this not be Vanilla Sky.  

That was the thought that ricocheted through my brain at the start of Oblivion.  With it’s sleek, hip visuals and promise of Deep Dark Secrets, I worried that it would be an echo of that head-scratcher.  I needn’t have worried.  Oblivion isn’t a retread of Vanilla Sky, it’s a retread of just about every other Sci-Fi movie you’ve seen lately.  It’s also a lovely way to waste a few hours.  Like a chocolate-covered pill from Miracle Max, damn if it doesn’t go down smooth.

In 2017, the Earth gets a smackdown from an alien race.  But all ended well, sorta; the humans won, but in order to do so we had to unleash the nukes.  So now the bulk of surviving humanity lives on Titan, the largest of Saturn’s moons.  A small handful of survivors are the “clean-up crew”, extracting what little viable resources earth has left for use in our new planetary digs.  How does war veteran Jack Harper (Tom Cruise) know that’s true?  Because that’s what he was told after a “mandatory memory wipe” a few years back.  Does anyone else think that’s kinda fishy?  That’s an affirmative, y’all.

[Read more…]

Movie Review: Trance

I hadn’t heard much about this film before I saw it.  Just a tidbit here and there from various fests, but nothing that stuck in my head.  Which is apt, considering Trance is a tale about the twisty-turney ways our minds can play tricks on us, and how easy it can be to manipulate what’s in your head.  Or what you think is in your head.

Simon (James McAvoy, X Men: First Class) is a high-class auctioneer.  His job — outside of trying to sell really, really expensive stuff — is to make sure that the most expensive item on offer during an auction gets dropped off into safe storage if there’s ever a robbery attempt.  The number one rule?  “No painting is worth a human life.  Don’t be a hero.”  So when suave art thief Franck (Vincent Cassel, Black Swan) comes for an extremely expensive Goya, what does Simon do?  Yeah, you guessed it.

Simon gets a severe bang on the noggin for his trouble, and he goes to hypnotherapist Elizabeth (Rosario Dawson, Rent) but that’s only the start of this story.  To discuss more would ruin the crazy Inception-meets-Memento storyline.  Who’s really the bad guy, why are characters doing what they’re doing, and are they in fact even doing them; that’s the meat of this tale.  Director Danny Boyle (Slumdog Millionaire) gets off to a choppy start — it’s hard at the beginning to continue caring about what’s going on when the story begins to shivers and spiral — but it pays off at the end.  Remember when M. Night Shamalan was fantastic?  Trance harkens back to the payoff of Unbreakable.  No superheroes here; McAvoy doesn’t turn into Professor X (though that’d be awesome).  But that same sense of wonder and pleasure at being let in on the final secret rings true here.

 
[Read more…]

Movie Review: Jurassic Park 3D

Yes.  I know what you’re thinking.  “Why, Denise?  Why?”  I’m guessing that Universal Pictures wanted to add a little dino action to the ever-growing list of films that are being re-done in 3D.  After the likes of 3D/IMAX showstoppers like Avatar, Final Destination 5 and Life of Pi, it’s true that Jurassic Park doesn’t have the visual chops that current CGI-laden cinematography have to offer.  But damn if Jurassic Park doesn’t give us something else; heart.  Try as they might, the 21st Century films can’t quite put their fingers on the pulse of a movie.  It’s lovely to remember a time when action films had characters you truly cared for, and a plot beyond showing you Kewl Stuff.

Harken back to 1993.  Western Europe begins the EC, Bill Clinton starts his second term, a gallon of gas was just over a dollar (and we were all still bitching about it), and two guys — Stephen Spielberg and Michael Crichton — brought us dinosaurs on the big screen.  The story about a man who wanted everyone to see real, live dinosaurs (and who had more dollars than sense) was a sensation, with special effects so spectacular they still stand up today.  And when those dinos break free of their enclosures?  Everyone felt a chill.

But how many trips to Isla Nublar does one need to take?  For me it’s innumerable, as I have the Blu-Ray box set of all three JP films.   It’s definitely worth it to see Jurassic Park up on the big screen again.  And, it’s been 20 years; there’s a whole new generation that haven’t had the pleasure of seeing humongous dinos in the dark of a multiplex.  Fancy that.  Jurassic Park may be every bit the dinosaur that it’s characters encounter, but it’s still every bit as fascinating.  All in all it’s glorious to see this movie back on the big screen, and it’s a treat for those able to head out and give it a look.

[Read more…]

Movie Review: Evil Dead

Evil Dead is here y’all!  Horror fans everywhere are nerd-gasaming all over the place.  It’s an ugly sight, because we don’t do quiet very well.  But I’m here to tell you that all that jumping around, panting and drooling is totally justified.  Evil Dead brings it, rocking old-school 80s horror and 21st Century savviness in equal measure.

 For moviegoers who aren’t up on their horror film history, here’s a list of the films in the Evil Dead franchise:

 * The Evil Dead (1981) — scary with bits of humor.

* Evil Dead 2: Dead By Dawn (1987) — an even mix of humor and horror.

* Army of Darkness (1992) — more humor than horror, but it gave us the classic line “This… is my boomstick!”  For which the nerd world is eternally grateful.

* Evil Dead (2013) — today’s primary topic of discussion.

 There’s also a short film, Within The Woods, that Sam Raimi made in 1978 that got the ball rolling.

 Okay, with me?  Then let’s get to the task at hand.  Which is me saying that if you’re into horror films, you’ve gotta see this.  Seriously.  Run out now, see it, and then come back.  I’ll be here waiting.

 Why am I so amped about this film?  Because it does what 99% of all  remakes/re-imaginings/shameless ripoff films fail to do; it gives the old-school fans a wink and a smile while keeping newbies entertained.  That’s the stuff right there.

 Plus, there’s blood.  Lots of it.  TONS of it.  It literally rains down from the sky during the climax.  It’s so over the top that it becomes another awesome bit of FX to enjoy.  I’m not saying that you should drag your nearest 10-year-old out to see this, unless you want to scar that puppy for life.  But for those of you that ook out on the red stuff, think of this as Dead Alive…but in the woods, and much creepier.  (And I’m sure Peter Jackson won’t hate me for saying so, because let’s face it; Dead Alive is awesome because it goes from gore-tastic to hilarious.  On purpose.)

 On to the hardcore critic-ness.  I’ll discuss the movie, and talk about how it compares to the original.  Then I’ll tell you all the stuff I like about this film, and the very few things that didn’t rate superawesome.  Let’s get started.

[Read more…]

Movie Review: Stoker

Mia Wasikowska, Nicole Kidman, Matthew Goode star as the twisted family in this tale of not-so-secret secrets, ambiguous family quarrels and atmospheric tension laid on so thick it ceases to disturb after the first 10 minutes.  I never thought a film about a serial killer would be boring.  But if there’s one thing I’ve learned over my years of reviewing, it’s that I can always count on surprises. Unfortunately, there are no surprises in Stoker.  Uncle Charles (Goode), Sister-in-Law/Mom Evelyn (Kidman) and niece/daughter India (Wasikowska) are strange from the get-go, and with no character development there’s no intrigue.  It’s simply an endurance test ‘til the not-so-climactic climax.

Stoker tries to be a Hitchcock tribute with it’s coming-of-age story for psychopaths.  Pity it’s so dull.  Everything.  Is.  So.  Slow.  A meaningful slowness?  Hardly.  More like a pretentious bit of showmanship on the part of director  Park Chan-wook.  His “Vengeance Trilogy” (Sympathy for Mr. Vengeance, Oldboy, Sympathy for Lady Vengeance) are genre classics that use the same sort of cinematic style, but to greater effect.

[Read more…]

Movie Review: Oz the Great and Powerful

Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain!  Oh, but in Oz the Great and Powerful, he’s brought in for his close-up, and it’s an interesting look at how a con man from Kansas became the most powerful wizard in all of Oz.  Though this movie may not be “great and powerful”, it’s a lovely romp for fans of the original film, and a fun escape for children of all ages.  Well, except for perhaps the very young’uns, who may get scared of the flying gorillas.  What?  They creeped me out.  Don’t judge me.

Franco is cast well as a steampunk wizard prototype, a young con-man named Oz — his full name being Oscar Zoroaster Phadrig Isaac Norman Henkel Emmannuel Ambroise Diggs — who accidentally lands in the Land of Oz after a run-in during his stint as a circus magician.  When I say “run-in”, I mean “running away from”.  And when I say “running away from”, I mean “running away from a jealous strongman whose girlfriend Oz was macking on”.  Because this Oz is a pimp.  A weasely mess of a magician whose dreams of becoming a great inventor are always sidetracked by his inability to do more than dream and pick up chicks.  If those of you that were non-plussed by Franco’s turn at the Oscars — and I’ve gotta say I figured he was riding the Pineapple Express the entire ceremony — doubt that he can pull off this character, let’s just say that Franco has an interesting combination of fecklessness and candor that works well here.

[Read more…]